Anyone have any good jokes to share?

[Bruno_2MLG4CT]

*In house where lives only wife and husband*
*The door bell rings*
Husband: Open the door honey, i will go to the bathroom
Wife: Alright
*Opens the door. The neighbor is here*
(The women is with a towel)
The neighbor: If you take off your towel and show me your boobs i will give you 200$
*The woman does that, the neighbor is giving her money*
Husband: Who it was
Wife: Well, the next door neighbor
Husband: Did he give you the 200$ dollars i lend to him?

[Dynamo]

Q: What is the difference between a dumb blond and a mosquito?








A: A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

[Shock]

Q: What is the difference between a dumb blond and a mosquito?








A: A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

hahahahhaha 

[TheSandman]

A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London . He curtly asked the
cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious
teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet
there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the
infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and
opened the door.The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie
answered,
"In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so fuck off and wait for
a camel.

[Spekter]

A guy was walking in the park when he stumbled upon an old man sitting and crying. He came up to him and asked him what was wrong. The old man said: "I recently married a beautiful 25 years old girl, we love each other very much. She is making me all kinds of food, she is making my every wish come true. And in the nights, we have sex in most unbelievable ways". The guy then said: "I don't understand why are you crying, many people would give everything for that!" The old man replied through tears: "But i forgot where i live!"

[RaceRX]

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid).
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car).
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body).
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Oh Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!


A woman gets pulled over for speeding,
The Sheriff walks up to the car and before he can say anything, The woman says: Let me guess, You're giving me an invatation to the Sheriffs ball.
The Sheriff replys with, Sheriffs dont have balls. After a long pause, He tips his hat and walks back to his car and drives away.

[Dan_Nobleman]

[Shock]

[Chauf]

Q: What is the difference between a dumb blond and a mosquito?







A: A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

I had this one places on a billboard in cvt

[FaZe1337Sajmon420PL]

Q: What sets anal sex apart from regular sex?
A: Regular sex can make your day, but anal sex can make your hole weak.

[Deputy]

Well this is deffinately an old topic but maybe we can get some good jokes flowing again eh?

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

[Terrorista310]

nice bump deputy

[RaceRX]

Son, How did you prepair for this years NFR Rodeo Nationals?
Well, I bent my girlfriend over started fuckin her in the ass and told her i banged her sister, Then I tried to hang on for 8 seconds.

[Weasel]

A couple talking in bed.
-Boy: Honey you sleep?
-Girl: No
-Boy: Can you turn to me?
-Girl: No,you eated onion
-Boy: Yes,but you eated beans.

[Terrorista310]

nice bump noah