Anyone have any good jokes to share?

[Deputy]

As the subject states, anyone have any good jokes to share?

[TheSandman]

Removed Clutch's reply
I dont have any good ones that everyone will think is funny, im better at aussie jokes.

[Deputy]

Thanks sandman:) I've got one.
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

[Shock]

Dokle je ciganka djevica?
dok je jaca od mladeg brata, brza od starijeg i dok je stari u zatvoru

[Ethan]

Dokle je ciganka djevica?
dok je jaca od mladeg brata, brza od starijeg i dok je stari u zatvoru


perhaps in English or at least translated to

[IcePick]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me."
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[FaZe1337Sajmon420PL]

Dokle je ciganka djevica?
dok je jaca od mladeg brata, brza od starijeg i dok je stari u zatvoru

i only understood "gypsy virgin" 

edit:
i finaly convinced myself to read deputy's joke :p its nice 

[GeneralLee]

Thanks sandman:) I've got one.
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

That's the best joke i ever heard!!

[Vinny]

Dokle je ciganka djevica?
dok je jaca od mladeg brata, brza od starijeg i dok je stari u zatvoru

i only understood "gypsy virgin" 

Same here 

[Tyler]

A guy with aids put his penis in my ear.

Now I have hearing aids.

[Marccc]

A farmer came in the bedroom of his farm, where his wife was laying in the bed.
He had a sheep under his arms and say; ''Look that's the pig i always fuck.''
His wife answered; ''ehm you have a sheep under your arms'''
The farmer say; ''You have to shut up your mouth, im talking to the sheep.''

[Vinny]

Lmfao Marccc xD
That one is awesome !!!!!

[Marccc]

The terms:
Your account has been disabled based on the following reasons:
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- you keep getting banned and warned
- The amount of warns(27) and bans ( you recieved did not help you to make you behave any better.
To get your account enabled again, you have to accept these Terms.
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- If i fail to do so, my account will be perm banned.
If you obey rules and use common sense, its easily possible that this will be ok. But if you fail to obey rules and respect other players, you will recieve a PERM ban.

Click Show spoiler for the joke.
[spoiler]

I FULLY ACCEPT THE TERMS

[/spoiler]

[Vado19]

Billy has 10 chocolate bars and 9 candy bars
Billy eats all the chocolate bars and 5 of the candy bars what does Billy have now ?






Diabetes......he has Diabetes.... 

[Shock]

Dokle je ciganka djevica?
dok je jaca od mladeg brata, brza od starijeg i dok je stari u zatvoru


perhaps in English or at least translated to

For How long is a gypsy a virgin?
If she is stronger then her younger brother, faster then her older bro, and while her father is in jail

[Bruno_2MLG4CT]

*In house where lives only wife and husband*
*The door bell rings*
Husband: Open the door honey, i will go to the bathroom
Wife: Alright
*Opens the door. The neighbor is here*
(The women is with a towel)
The neighbor: If you take off your towel and show me your boobs i will give you 200$
*The woman does that, the neighbor is giving her money*
Husband: Who it was
Wife: Well, the next door neighbor
Husband: Did he give you the 200$ dollars i lend to him?

[Dynamo]

Q: What is the difference between a dumb blond and a mosquito?








A: A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

[Shock]

Q: What is the difference between a dumb blond and a mosquito?








A: A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

hahahahhaha 

[TheSandman]

A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London . He curtly asked the
cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious
teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet
there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the
infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and
opened the door.The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie
answered,
"In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so fuck off and wait for
a camel.

[Spekter]

A guy was walking in the park when he stumbled upon an old man sitting and crying. He came up to him and asked him what was wrong. The old man said: "I recently married a beautiful 25 years old girl, we love each other very much. She is making me all kinds of food, she is making my every wish come true. And in the nights, we have sex in most unbelievable ways". The guy then said: "I don't understand why are you crying, many people would give everything for that!" The old man replied through tears: "But i forgot where i live!"

[RaceRX]

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid).
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car).
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body).
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Oh Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!


A woman gets pulled over for speeding,
The Sheriff walks up to the car and before he can say anything, The woman says: Let me guess, You're giving me an invatation to the Sheriffs ball.
The Sheriff replys with, Sheriffs dont have balls. After a long pause, He tips his hat and walks back to his car and drives away.

[Dan_Nobleman]

[Shock]

[Chauf]

Q: What is the difference between a dumb blond and a mosquito?







A: A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

I had this one places on a billboard in cvt

[FaZe1337Sajmon420PL]

Q: What sets anal sex apart from regular sex?
A: Regular sex can make your day, but anal sex can make your hole weak.

[Deputy]

Well this is deffinately an old topic but maybe we can get some good jokes flowing again eh?

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

[Terrorista310]

nice bump deputy

[RaceRX]

Son, How did you prepair for this years NFR Rodeo Nationals?
Well, I bent my girlfriend over started fuckin her in the ass and told her i banged her sister, Then I tried to hang on for 8 seconds.

[Weasel]

A couple talking in bed.
-Boy: Honey you sleep?
-Girl: No
-Boy: Can you turn to me?
-Girl: No,you eated onion
-Boy: Yes,but you eated beans.

[Terrorista310]

nice bump noah

[SpazzBucket.]

[Deputy]

nice bump noah

How about I bump you on the head?

Go play on a freeway terrorista, or some train tracks or something.

[Terrorista310]

nice bump noah

How about I bump you on the head?

With your banana? 

[TheSandman]

- Most, if not, all Americans doing burnouts.
- Dubstep.
- Julia Gilliard.

[SpazzBucket.]

- Most, if not, all Americans doing burnouts.
- Dubstep.
- Julia Gilliard.

[Bruno_2MLG4CT]

- Most, if not, all Americans doing burnouts.
- Dubstep.
- Julia Gilliard.

I don't get it.

[SpazzBucket.]

- Most, if not, all Americans doing burnouts.
- Dubstep.
- Julia Gilliard.

I don't get it.

They're all a joke xD aka shitty at whatever their objective is